THE PAIN WON’T GO....

THE HATED IS STILL IN MYSELF..

IT’S LIKE I WILL NEVER LET IT GO..

EVEN I ACCEPTED WHAT THEY DO TO ME..

THE HATE FEELING IS IN ME..

I HATE THE WAY THEY TRY TO CONTROL ME..

I HATE THE WAY THEY THINK HOW USELESS AND CAN’T DO ANYTHING I AM

I HATE THE WAY THEY USE ME FOR THEMSELVES GOOD..

I HATE THEM THE WAY THEY ONLY MAKE ME IN A GROUP WHEN IN A BAD SITUATION..

I HATE THEM WHEN THEY ABANDON ME WHEN THEY PLAN FOR SOMETHING GOOD..

I HATE THEM THE WAY THEY TRY TO GET RID OF ME...

YES..

I FEEL ABANDON IN MY OWN PLACE..

BUT I GET OVER IT...

YES,,,

I FEEL HURT WHEN THEY KICK ME OUT..

BUT I GET OVER IT TOO...

I GET OVER IT BECAUSE I DON WANT TO GET SO MUCH HATED..

BUT I GUESS I’M WRONG...

IT HAPPENED ANYWAYS..

MORE WORSE TO BE EXACT..

WHY I DIDN’T TELL EM FACE TO FACE..

SOMEONE WILL SAY IT GOOD THING TO DO...

BUT FOR ME..

WHAT’S FOR..??

IT WILL ATTACK ME BACKK..

THEY WILL SAY IT JUST MY IMAGINATION..

OR JUST MY FEELING THAT I BEEN LONE MYSELF..

THEY WILL SAY THIS ALL HAPPEN BECAUSE OF MY BAD ATTITUDE..

BUT..

WHAT THEY WILL SAY IS NOT THE SAME AS WHAT THEY DID..

IT REALLY HURT..

BUT I KEEP THE PAIN TO MYSELF..

OH PLEASE..

YOU ARE NOT GOOD BY YOURSELF..

THEY CAN’T JUDGE ME AFTER KNOWING THE BAD SIDE OF MYSELF..

THEY NOT AN ANGEL THEMSELVES...

YOURE AS BAD AS MINE..

I WROTE THIS NOT HOPING THEY GONNA READ THIS..

COZ I KNOW THEY DON’T KNOW THIS WRITING EXIST..

MAYBE THEY NOT EVER KNOW THIS BLOG OF MINE IS EXIST..

I BET THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW MUCH BOUT ME..

EVEN THEY KEEP SAYIN THEY CARE...

WHAT DID THEY CARE ACTUALLY???

I’M NOT ANGRY..

OKAY MAYBE A LITTLE..

BUT I JUST CAN TURNED THE ANGRINESS TO HATE FEELING AND GET OVER IT..

I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT..

MAYBE IT IS NOT THE WAY I BEEN RAISED...

AND MAYBE ‘GET OVER IT’ AND DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT’ MAKE EVERYONE THINK I’M EASY TO DEAL WITH..

THEY NOT EVEN THINK HOW SENSITIVE I AM..

THEY THINK MY SENSITIVENESS IS SOMETHING ANNOYED WITH ME..

MAYBE AT PAST I SHOWED MY SENSITIVENESS..

BUT NOW I TRY TO OVERCOME AND CONTROL IT..

AND WHAT DO I GET???

SAME SITUATION AND EVEN WORSE CONSITION OF MY LIFE...

I USED TO LOVE STUDY..

I USED TO HAVE A SPIRIT EVERYTIME I START A NEW SEMESTER AT MY COLLEGE..

NOW I DON’T FEEL IT ANYMORE..

IT MUST BE LOST SOMETHING...

I DON’T EVEN LIKE IT...

WHAT EXACTLY I’M FEELING NOW??

YES...

I IN FEAR, SCARE, LOST, MUCH DEPRESS, HURT, PAINFUL, AND SO MUCH HATE IN MYSELF...

I DON’T KNOW THIS..

BUT WHAT I KNOW THE HATE FEELING HAS GIVEN ME A CONFIDENT TO FACE EM..

EVERYDAY!!!!!

HOW CAN I MAKE THIS RIGHT??

I REMEMBER WHEN I’VE BEEN WROTE ABOUT MY FEELING BACK THEN..

IT IS SOUND LIKE THIS..

........................

hari yang bahagia yang aku tunggu2 akan datang jua kepadaku

hari tanpa perlu aku memikirkan apa orang lain fikir terhadapku

hari tanpa perlu aku menangis kerana perbuatan orang lain kepadaku

hari tanpa perlu aku merayu kepada orang lain supaya menerima aku

hari tanpa perlu aku mengadu kepada alam maya ini dan keseorangan

apa jua yang menimpa aku yakin hari itu pasti akan tiba jua.......................................

I HOPE THE DAY THAT BRING ME HAPPINESS THAT I’VE BEEN WAITING WILL COME TO ME SOMEDAY...

THE DAY THAT I WILL NOT THINK WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME..

THE DAY WITHOUT CRYING BECAUSE OF OTHERS..

THE DAY WITHOUT BEGGING OTHER TO ACCEPT ME SO BAD...

THE DAY WITHOUT WROTE BOUT MY MIND SHOUTING IN THIS BLOG...

I REALLY HOPE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS WILL BRING A GOOD LUCK IN FUTURE..

I WILL KEEP TRYING TO CONVINCE AND TELL MYSELF..

NOT LET THEM CONTROL MY LIFE..

DON’T LET THEM TAKE THE CONFIDENCE LEVEL IN YOU..

BECAUSE AS LONG AS YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THEIR THINKING TO YOU IT WILL CRACK YOU DOWN...

YOU AS GOOD AS YOURSELF..

EVEN GREAT !!!!

THIS WAS ONE LONG POST...

IT IS BECAUSE I’VE BEEN PLAN IT, FEEL IT, KEEP IT,,

SINCE I GOT THIS PLACE...

AND I KEEP IT TO MYSELF...

I’VE BEEN TORTURING MYSELF BY KEEP IT AND LET IT BLOW INSIDE OF MY HEAD AND HEART...

AND ITS BLEEDING AND NOT BEEN HEAL...

WHAT KEEP ME FOR POST THIS??

IT IS COZ I CAN’T LET IT LOCK IN ME ANY LONGER..

I KNOW I DON’T KNOW SOMEONE I CAN TALK TO..

EVEN I FOUND ONE, I WILL NOT TO SHARE MY HARD TIME WITH ANYBODY...

I CAN’T LET PEOPLE CARRY MY BURDEN TOGETHER..

IT JUST CRUEL..

EVERBODY HAVE THEIR OWN HARD TIME..

AND I DO NOT ADDING IT MUCH...

AS LONG I CAN BE PATIENT..

AS LONG I CAN KEEP MYSELF ON RIGHT TRACK..

I WILL BE ALWAYS HOPING AND PRAY FOR HAPPINESS...

AND I HOPE EVERY HARD MOMENT I’VE BEEN INTO,,

WILL BE A SWEET MEMORIES THAT I WLL BE LAUGHTER AT IT 

IN THE FUTURE..

p/s: it's not i'm not happy with my life now..

but I have to let out my burden here..

I just can't lock it in myself anymore..

I really love my friend, family, and all people that love me and I love...

You guys are important to me..